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The Long Lasting Love

Apr
20

The 34th Hong Kong Film Awards was held on 19th April with the usual center of attention being given to the awardees of the Best Actor and Actress.  This year, the attention was given to the Best Actor, Sean Lau and his wife.  Having a 23-year of relationship with his wife, Sean ...

The 34th Hong Kong Film Awards was held on 19th April with the usual center of attention being given to the awardees of the Best Actor and Actress.  This year, the attention was given to the Best Actor, Sean Lau and his wife.  Having a 23-year of relationship with his wife, Sean expressed his wholehearted gratitude to her for the unfailing support and love in their marriage.  What makes this couple so special that most of the Hongkongers admiring their satisfactory marriage?

As a married wife for more than 20 years myself, I empathize that they must have gone through a lot of ups and downs in the marriage.  In his classic book “The Art of Loving”, Erich Fromm, a renowned psychoanalyst, stated that love demands practice and concentration.  According to him, love requires discipline in the practice as in mastering of any form of art.  We need to contribute in the marriage in our daily routine in a disciplined way, as if one gets up at a regular time each day.  Besides, concentration is also one of the important components in practicing love.  Fromm stated that learning to concentrate is to learn to be alone with oneself and this is a fundamental condition for the ability to love.  It is because, if we are attached to another person, we may treat him/her as a “lifesaver” and this is not true love.  In order to love a person truly, we must overcome our own narcissism.  Long lasting marriage requires the couple to be able to see from each other’s perspectives and compromise in the face of conflicts.

Like Sean and Amy, as well as myself, each long-term relationship is not as easy as the outsiders see.  As mastering any form of arts, loving requires discipline and concentration, as well as overcoming one’s self-centeredness.

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